Funny Quotations about Epitaphs

A list of funny epitaphs

What Are Epitaphs?

An "epitaph" is a short inscription carved on a gravestone to honour and remember someone who has passed away. More than just words and literally set in stone, an epitaph serves as a final and lasting reflection of a person's life, values, or spirit. Epitaphs are powerful because they represent the chosen words of the deceased themselves.

Some people choose to leave funny epitaphs, helping to ease the sorrow of those left behind by offering a lasting reminder of their personality.

You might be surprised to learn that funny epitaphs are quite rare. You will notice that many of the epitaphs listed below are suggested ones rather than genuine ones.

"Here lies Spike Milligan. I told you I was ill." Spike Milligan (Irish comedian, 1918-2002)

NB. Spike Milligan famously wanted his epitaph to read "I told you I was ill." However, the phrase does not appear on his gravestone – at least, not in English. Because the Chichester Diocese (where he was buried) considered the line irreverent, the inscription was carved in Irish Gaelic ("Dúirt mé leat go raibh mé breoite") as a compromise.

"That's all, folks." Mel Blanc (American voice actor of Bugs Bunny, 1908–1989)

💖 Interesting fact. Wayne Allwine, who voiced Mickey Mouse from 1977 until his death in 2009, was married to Russi Taylor, who voiced Minnie Mouse from 1986 until her death in 2019.

"Keep off the grass." Peter Ustinov (British actor, director, and writer, 1921-2004) offering a suggestion for his own headstone

"I will not be right back after this message." Merv Griffin (American television host, 1925-2007)

"Al B. Bach" Someone called Alan Bach presumably

"He finally met his *deadline."*maker."*equal."* Douglas Adams (English science fiction writer, 1952-2001) when asked to write his own epitaph

"Here lies Johnny Yeast. Pardon me for not rising." Anonymous

"I have nothing further to say." Edward Abbey (American environmentalist and writer, 1927–1989)

"Here lies Lester Moore. Four slugs from a .44 — no Les, no more." Old West epitaph, Tombstone, Arizona

"Now I know something you don't." Anonymous

"I told you it was only a cough!" Anonymous

"He never killed a man *that did not need killing."*ever."*according to him."* Clay Allison (American gunfighter, 1840–1887)

"Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake; stepped on the gas instead of the brake." Traditional humorous epitaph

"She always said her feet were killing her, but nobody believed her." Anonymous

"Game over." Anonymous (modern epitaph)

"This is on me." Tombstone of a bartender in England, reputedly paid for by friends

"Here lies *an atheist,*me,*a party goer,* all dressed up and no place to go." Anonymous

"At last I have a nice front yard." Anonymous

"He loved bacon. Oh, and his wife and kids, too." Anonymous (modern humorous epitaph)

"Famous last words." Anonymous

"If you can read this, you're standing on my head." Anonymous (traditional joke epitaph)

"Free at last." Martin Luther King Jr. (American civil rights leader, 1929–1968)

"Here lies one whose name was writ in water." John Keats (English Romantic poet, 1795–1821)

"I made some good deals, and I made some bad ones. I really went in the hole with this one." Anonymous businessman's epitaph

"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter." Sir Winston Churchill (British Prime Minister, 1874–1965)

"Here lies the body of Margaret Bent, she kicked up her heels and away she went." Traditional humorous rhyme

"Here lies an honest man — and that is saying a lot." Anonymous (19th-century epitaph)

"Well, this sucks." Anonymous (modern epitaph)

"I knew this would happen." Anonymous

"Here lies an old woman who always did as she was told." Anonymous

"He finally stopped checking for updates." Anonymous (tech-themed modern epitaph)

"The best is yet to come." Frank Sinatra (American singer and actor, 1915–1998)

"She sleeps alone at last." Robert Benchley (American humorist, 1889-1945) suggesting an epitaph for an unnamed movie queen

"Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia." W. C. Fields (American humorist, 1880-1946)

"John Le Mesurier wishes it to be known that he conked out on November 15th. He sadly misses family and friends." John Le Mesurier (English actor, 1912-83)

"Excuse My *Dust."*Life."*Husband."* Dorothy Parker (American critic and humorist, 1893-1967)

"Without you, Heaven would be too dull to bear, And Hell would not be Hell if you are there. John Sparrow (English academic, 1906-92) offering an epitaph for Maurice Bowra

"The only man, woman or child who wrote a simple declarative sentence with seven grammatical errors is dead." E. E. cummings (American poet, 1894-1962) on the death of US President Warren G. Harding

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