Funny Quotations about comedy sketches

CECIL: After you, Claude. CLAUDE: No, after you, Cecil. Ted Kavanagh (New Zealand-born scriptwriter, 1892-1958)

Am I bovvered? Catherine Tate (English actress and comedienne, 1968-)

Art thou his father? Ay, sir, so his mother says, if I may believe her. William Shakespeare (English dramatist, 1564-1616)

Can I do you now, sir? spoken by 'Mrs Mopp' Ted Kavanagh (New Zealand-born scriptwriter, 1892-1958)

Collapse of Stout Party. supposed standard denouement in Victorian humour Anon

D'oh! Homer J. Simpson's habitual expression of annoyance Matt Groening (American humorist and satirist, 1954-)

Eat my shorts! catchphrase associated with Bart Simpson Matt Groening (American humorist and satirist, 1954-)

Ee, it was agony, Ivy. Ted Ray (English comedian, 1906-77)

'Er indoors. used by Arthur Daley (played by George Cole) to refer to his wife Leon Griffiths (English writer, 1928-92)

Fact. David Brent's favourite assurance Ricky Gervais (actor and comedian, 1961-) and Stephen Merchant (actor and comedian, 1974-)

George- don't do that. Joyce Grenfell (English comedy actress and writer, 1910-79)

GEORGE BURNS: Say goodnight, Gracie. GRACIE ALLEN: Goodnight, Gracie. George Burns (American comedian, 1896-1996)

Hello, I'm Julian and this is my friend, Sandy. Barry Took (comedian, 1928-2002) and Marty Feldman (comedian, 1933-83)

Hello possums! Dame Edna's habitual greeting to her fans Barry Humphries (Australian actor and writer, 1934-)

I 'ate you, Butler. Inspector Blake (Stephen Lewis) to Stan Butler (Reg Varney) Ronald Wolfe and Ronald Chesney

I didn't get where I am today without -. habitual boast of Reggie Perrin's boss CJ David Nobbs (British comedy writer, 1935-)

I don't mind if I do. catchphrase spoken by 'Colonel Chinstrap' Ted Kavanagh (New Zealand-born scriptwriter, 1892-1958)

If you've got it, flaunt it! Mel Brooks (American film director and actor, 1926-)

I go- I come back. catchphrase spoken by 'Ali Oop' Ted Kavanagh (New Zealand-born scriptwriter, 1892-1958)

I have a cunning plan. Baldrick's habitual overoptimistic promise Richard Curtis (screenwriter, 1956-) and Ben Elton (screenwriter, 1959-)

I'm free! cry of 'Mr Humphries' (played by John Inman) of Grace Brothers David Croft (sports broadcaster, 1922-)

Is it cos I is black? Sacha Baron Cohen (British comedian, 1970-)

It's being so cheerful as keeps me going. catchphrase spoken by 'Mona Lott' Ted Kavanagh (New Zealand-born scriptwriter, 1892-1958)

CORBETT: It's goodnight from me. BARKER: And it's goodnight from him. Ronnie Barker (British comedian, 1929-2005) and Ronnie Corbett (British comedian, 1930-)

It's sooo unfair! habitual plaint of Kevin the Teenager Harry Enfield (English comedian and writer, 1961-)

I've arrived and to prove it I'm here! Eric Sykes (actor, comedian and director, 1923-2012) and Max Bygraves (comedian and singer, 1922-2012

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our chief weapon is surprise- surprise and fear... fear and surprise... our two weapons are fear and surprise- and ruthless efficiency... our three weapons are fear and surprise and ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope... our four... no... Amongst our weapons- amongst our weaponry- are such elements as fear, surprise... I'll come in again. Graham Chapman 1941-89, John Cleese 1939- , and others British comedians

No sex, please- we're British. Anthony Marriott (British playwright, 1931-2014)

Oh, calamity! Robertson Hare (English actor, 1891-1979)

Ohhh, I don't believe it! Victor Meldrew (Richard Wilson) David Renwick (British television writer, 1951-)

Oh, titter ye not. Frankie Howerd (British comedian, 1922-92)

Pass the sick bag, Alice. referring to a canteen lady at the old Express building in Fleet Street, who conveyed plates of egg and chips to journalists at their desks John Junor (British journalist and editor, 1919-97)

A play wot I wrote. Eddie Braben (English comedy writer, 1930-2013)

Respect! Ali G acknowledges quality Sacha Baron Cohen (English comedian, 1971-)

Shome mishtake, shurely? Anon

Shoulders back, lovely boy! Sergeant-Major Williams (Windsor Davies) to his concert party Jimmy Perry (screenwriter, 1923-) and David Croft (screenwriter, 1922-)

So Harry says, 'You don't like me any more. Why not?' And he says, 'Because you've got so terribly pretentious.' And Harry says, 'Pretentious? Moi?' John Cleese (comedian and actor, 1939-) and Connie Booth (actor, 1944-)

Stop messing about! protest of Snide (Kenneth Williams) Ray Galton (English writer, 1930-) and Alan Simpson (English writer, 1929-)

Take my wife- please! Henny Youngman (American comedian, 1906-98)

ABBOTT: Now, on the St Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third. COSTELLO: That's what I want to find out. Bud Abbott (American comedian, 1895-1974) and Lou Costello (American comedian, 1906-59)

They don't like it up 'em! Lance-Corporal Jones (Clive Dunn) Jimmy Perry (screenwriter, 1923-) and David Croft (screenwriter, 1922-)

Very interesting... but stupid. Dan Rowan (comedian, 1922-87) and Dick Martin (American comedian, 1923-2008)

What do you think of the show so far? Rubbish! Eric Morecambe (English comedian, 1926-84)

Yeah but no but yeah but no. Vicky Pollard's habitual protest Matt Lucas (British comedian, 1974-) and David Walliams (British comedian, 1971-)

SEAGOON: Ying tong iddle I po. Spike Milligan (Irish comedian, 1918-2002)

You dirty old man! Harold Steptoe (Harry H. Corbett) to his father Albert Ray Galton (English writer, 1930) and Alan Simpson (English writer, 1929-)

You might very well think that. I couldn't possibly comment. the Chief Whip's habitual response to questioning Michael Dobbs (British novelist and broadcaster, 1948-)

You plonker! Del Boy Trotter (David Jason) to his brother Rodney (Nicholas Lyndhurst) John Sullivan (English screenwriter, 1946-2011)

You stupid boy! Captain Mainwaring (Arthur Lowe) to Private Pike (Ian Lavender) Jimmy Perry (screenwriter, 1923-) and David Croft (screenwriter, 1922-)