Dress

If my jeans could talk they'd plead for mercy. Phyllis Diller (American actress, 1917-2012)

to Sir Frederick Ponsonby, who had proposed accompanying him in a tail-coat: I thought everyone must know that a short jacket is always worn with a silk hat at a private view in the morning. Edward VII (British king, 1841-1910)

when Lord Harris appeared at Ascot in a brown bowler: Goin' rattin', 'Arris? Edward VII (British king, 1841-1910)

When he buys his ties he has to ask if gin will make them run. F. Scott Fitzgerald (American novelist, 1896-1940)

Dame Edna to Judy Steel: Tell me the history of that frock, Judy. It's obviously an old favourite. You were wise to remove the curtain rings. Barry Humphries (Australian actor and writer, 1934-)

You should never have your best trousers on when you go out to fight for freedom and truth. Henrik Ibsen (Norwegian dramatist, 1828-1906)

A silk dress in four sections, and shoes with high heels that would have broken the heart of John Calvin. Stephen Leacock (Canadian humorist, 1869-1944)

My little rebellion was to have my tie loose, with the top button of my shirt undone, but Paul'd always come up to me and put it straight. John Lennon (English pop singer and songwriter, 1940-80)

when a waiter at Buckingham Palace spilled soup on her dress: Never darken my Dior again! Beatrice Lillie (Canadian-born comedienne, 1894-1989)

A woman's dress should be like a barbed wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view. Sophia Loren (Italian actress, 1934-)

There is something silly about a man who wears a white suit all the time, especially in New York. of Tom Wolfe Norman Mailer (American novelist and essayist, 1923-2007)

of 'Fred Fernackerpan, a Mystery Goblin', who walked about the town with his trousers deployed à la Grand Old Duke of York: And when they were up they were up And when they were down they were down And when they were only half way up He was arrested. Spike Milligan (Irish comedian, 1918-2002)

on being asked what she wore in bed: Chanel No. 5. Marilyn Monroe (American actress, 1926-62)

The officers of this branch of the Force [the Obscene Publications Squad at Scotland Yard] have a discouraging club tie, on which a book is depicted being cut in half by a larger pair of scissors. John Mortimer (English novelist, barrister, and dramatist, 1923-2009)

There was a young belle of old Natchez Whose garments were always in patchez. When comment arose On the state of her clothes, She drawled, When Ah itchez, Ah scratchez. Ogden Nash (American humorist, 1902-71)

The only really firm rule of taste about cross dressing is that neither sex should ever wear anything they haven't yet figured out how to go to the bathroom in. P. J. O'Rourke 1947- American humorous writer

Fur is a subject that makes sensitive toes curl in their leather shoes. introducing a discussion on fur coats Jeremy Paxman (British journalist and broadcaster, 1950-)

My wife liked the costume. She asked me to bring it home. on his costume as Achilles in the film Troy Brad Pitt (American actor, 1963-)

A dress has no meaning unless it makes a man want to take it off. Françoise Sagan (French novelist, 1935-2004)

We know Jesus can't have been English. He is always wearing sandals, but never with socks. Linda Smith (British comedian, 1958-2006)

She wears her clothes, as if they were thrown on her with a pitchfork. Jonathan Swift (Irish poet and satirist, 1667-1745)

She wore far too much rouge last night, and not quite enough clothes. That is always a sign of despair in a woman. Oscar Wilde (Irish dramatist and poet, 1854-1900)