Quotations about Sex
Using Quotations in a Speech or Text about Sex
As well as keeping your audience engaged, adding quotations to a speech or a text can significantly enhance its impact and effectiveness. Quotations are useful for explaining complex ideas concisely, much in the same way that analogies are used. Additionally, quotations from experts or celebrities can add credibility to your message.Here are some funny and poignant quotations about sex. If your speech is serious, do not automatically avoid funny quotations as they can often be the most impactful, forcing your audience into the thinking about the hidden analogous message in your selected quotation.
- "Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious." (British actor Peter Ustinov)
- "When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth." (Irish dramatist George Bernard Shaw)
"Don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love." Woody Allen (American film director, writer, and actor, 1935-)
"Sex is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest." anonymous

I'm not saying I'm bad in bed, but I once gave a guy *a high-five*a medal*surprised look* after he came. anonymous
"Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damn good." Woody Allen (director and actor, 1935-)
"Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. *Yes*Forty-two*Never* is the answer." anonymous
"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty." Woody Allen (American film director, writer, and actor, 1935-)
"Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right." Woody Allen (American film director, writer, and actor, 1935-)
"My brain? It's my second favourite organ." Woody Allen (American film director, writer, and actor, 1935-)
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me and she said 'no'. Woody Allen (American film director, writer, and actor, 1935-)
"Sex is a bit like a game of bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." Mae West (American actress, 1892-1980)
"I'm not saying I'm a sex symbol, but when I go outside in a trench coat, women give me directions." Rodney Dangerfield (American comedian, 1921-2004)
"Bisexuality: It immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night." Woody Allen (American film director, writer, and actor, 1935-)
Have you seen that movie? Maris and I rented the video. I don't mind telling you we pushed our beds together that night! And that was no mean feat; her room, as you know, is across the hall! David Angell 1946-2001, Peter Casey, and David Lee American television producers
You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and *folk-dancing.*bestiality*chess.* anonymous
Give me chastity and continency – *but not yet!*so I can serve God.*to curb my urges.* St Augustine of Hippo (Roman Christian theologian, AD 354–430)
"You'll have to ask somebody older than me." Eubie Blake (American ragtime pianist, 1883-1983) upon being asked, at the age of ninety-seven, at what age the sex drive goes
"On life's long road I have found the penis to be a most unreliable compass." David L. Bloomer (Scottish badminton player, 1912-96)
"Sex has never been an obsession with me. It's just like *eating a bag of crisps.*patting a dog.*riding a roller-coaster.* Quite nice, but nothing marvellous." Boy George (English pop singer and songwriter, 1961-)
"Genitals are a great distraction to scholarship." Malcolm Bradbury (English novelist and critic, 1932-2000)
"Sexual intercourse is kicking death in the ass while singing." Charles Bukowski (German-born American writer, 1920-94)
"It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses." Mrs Patrick Campbell (English actress, 1865-1940) on homosexuality
"Women need a reason to have sex, men just need a place." Lowell Ganz (screenwriter, 1948-)
*Masturbation*MTV*Family Guy* is the thinking man's television. Christopher Hampton (English dramatist, 1946-)
"He was into animal husbandry – until they caught him at it." Tom Lehrer (American humorist, 1928-)
What's the worst thing about oral sex? *The view.*The end bit.*The neck ache.* Maureen Lipman (English actress, 1946-)
"A promiscuous person: Someone who is getting more sex than you are." Victor Lownes (American businessman, 1928-)
"Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls." Groucho Marx (American film comedian, 1890-1977)
Thinking Template for a Speech or Text on Sex
Below are 3 funny themes and 3 serious themes related to sex. These have been included to help you identify areas to explore.Funny Themes:
- Snobbery Shenanigans: Hilarious Tales of Pretentiousness
- Share amusing stories or anecdotes about funny encounters with snobbish behavior, from exaggerated displays of sophistication to humorous misunderstandings.
- High Society Hijinks: The Funniest Elite Escapades
- Explore humorous scenarios or mishaps involving high society events or gatherings, showcasing the comical side of social elitism and exclusivity.
- Snob versus Slob: Laughable Class Clashes
- Discuss comical situations or stories that contrast snobbish attitudes with down-to-earth simplicity, highlighting the humor in class distinctions and cultural snobbery.
Serious Themes:
- The Psychology of Snobbery: Origins, Motivations, and Impact
- Explore the psychological roots of snobbery, discussing motivations, insecurities, and the impact of snobbish attitudes on individuals and society.
- Social Class and Inequality: Challenges, Perceptions, and Realities
- Discuss the intersection of snobbery with social class and inequality, exploring how perceptions of status and privilege shape attitudes, behaviors, and opportunities.
- Cultural Elitism: Arts, Taste, and Cultural Gatekeeping
- Address the role of snobbery in cultural elitism, discussing how attitudes towards art, literature, and entertainment reflect and reinforce social hierarchies.
Help Us Improve Funny Quotation (#FuQ)
- Do you know a great quotation that belongs on this page?
- Do you disagree with our top three?
- Do you disagree with something else on this page?
- Have we credited the wrong person with the quotation?
Find Us Quicker!
- When using a search engine (e.g., Google, Bing), you will find us quicker if you add #FuQ to your search term.










