Sports

"I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered." George Best (Northern Irish footballer, 1946-2005)

"The trouble with referees is that they know the rules, but they don't know the game." Bill Shankly (Scottish football manager, 1913-81)

"In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is." Yogi Berra (American baseball player, 1925-2015)

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." Michael Jordan (American basketball player, 1963-)

The only time my prayers are never answered is on *the golf course.*Saturdays.*a ship.* Billy Graham (Baptist minister, 1918-2018)

"If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball." Jack Lemmon (American actor, 1925-2001)

"The reason women don't play football is because eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public." Phyllis Diller (American actress, 1917-2012)

"Baseball is *ninety percent*50 percent*completely* mental. The other half is physical." Yogi Berra (American baseball player, 1925-2015)

"I don't want to play golf. When I hit a ball, I want someone else to go chase it." Rogers Hornsby (American baseball player, 1896-1963)

"It doesn't matter whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose." Darrin Weinberg (Olympic boxer, DOB unknown)

"A couple of weeks ago I knew nothing about the Olympics. Now I can't wait for next year's." Frankie Boyle (British comedian, 1972-)

"Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is." Demetri Martin (American comedian, 1973-)

"I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense." H. L. Mencken (American literary critic, 1880-1956)

"Rugby is a beastly game played by gentlemen. Soccer is a gentleman's game played by beasts. [American] Football is a beastly game played by beasts." Henry Blaha (rugby player, DOB unknown)

"I do not participate in any sport with *ambulances*spectators*the finish line* at the bottom of the hill." Erma Bombeck (American humorist, 1927-96)

"If a man watches three games of *football*golf*chess* in a row, he should be declared legally dead." Erma Bombeck (American humorist, 1927-96)

Life's too short for *chess.*bad wine.*most of us.* H. J. Byron (English dramatist, 1835-84)

"If you lived in Sheffield and were called Sebastian, you had to learn to run fast at a very early stage." Sebastian Coe (English athlete, 1956-)

"I went to a fight the other night and an ice hockey game broke out." Rodney Dangerfield (American comedian, 1921-2004)

"Deer-stalking would be a very fine sport if only the deer had guns." W. S. Gilbert (English writer, 1836-1911)

"I was watching sumo wrestling on the TV for two hours before I realized it was darts." Hattie Hayridge (English comedienne, 1959-)

"Get your *retaliation*excuses*drinks order* in first." Carwyn James (Welsh Rugby Football coach, 1929-83)

"If you don't have confidence, you'll always find a way not to win." Carl Lewis (American athlete, 1961-)

"The sport of skiing consists of wearing three thousand dollars' worth of clothes and equipment and driving two hundred miles in the snow in order to stand around at a bar and get drunk." P. J. O'Rourke (American humorist, 1947-)

"Goering's excuse for being late was a shooting party: Animals, I hope." Eric Phipps (British diplomat, 1875-1945)

"The atmosphere here is a cross between the Munich Beer Festival and the Coliseum at Rome when the Christians were on the menu." Sid Waddell (English sports commentator, 1940-2012) describing a darts match

"The English country gentleman galloping after a fox – the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable." Oscar Wilde (Irish dramatist and poet, 1854-1900)

"[American] Football combines the two worst features of modern American life: it's violence punctuated by committee meetings." George F. Will (American columnist, 1941-)

"Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television." Victoria Wood (British writer and comedienne, 1953-)

"Bridge, because of its tendency to encourage prolonged smoking and its deadly immobility, is probably the most dangerous game played in England now." Anonymous doctor