the Body

"I'm in shape. Round is a shape." George Carlin (American comedian, 1937-2008)

My body is a temple. It's just an ancient, crumbling temple buried under layers of *snacks and regret.*dust.*chocolate.* anonymous

"I have a body of an athlete. Unfortunately, it's a sumo wrestler." anonymous

I'm not overweight; I'm *undertall.*cuddly.*the right size for cartoon cat.* Garfield (the comic cat)

"My body is a journal in a way. It's like what sailors used to do, where every tattoo meant something, a specific time in your life when you make a mark on yourself, whether you do it yourself with a knife or with a professional tattoo artist." Johnny Depp (American actor, 1963-)

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is *fourteen days.*one pound.*the will to live.* Totie Fields (American comedian, 1930-78)

"My face looks like a wedding cake left out in the rain." W. H. Auden (English poet, 1907-73)

"I don't exercise. If God wanted me to bend over, he'd have put diamonds on the floor." Joan Rivers (American comedienne, 1933-)

"The verandah over the toy shop. Australian term for a beer belly." anonymous

Be true to your teeth or they'll *be false to you.*fall out.*rot.* anonymous

If I had the use of my body I would throw it *out of the window.*a party.*a bone.* Samuel Beckett (Irish writer, 1906-89)

I'm the female equivalent of a counterfeit $20 bill. Half of what you see is a pretty good reproduction, the rest is a fraud." Cher (American singer and actress, 1946-)

"Imprisoned in every fat man a thin one is wildly signalling to be let out." Cyril Connolly (English writer, 1903-74)

He's so small, he's the only man I know who *has turn-ups on his underpants.*wears children's clothes.*pays half a bus fee.* Jerry Dennis (American writer, 1954-)

My lord, we make use of you, not for your bad legs, but for your good head. Elizabeth I (English queen, 1533-1603) to her advisor, and gout-sufferer, William Cecil

"Oh, how I regret not having worn *a bikini*less*a hat* for the entire year I was twenty-six." Nora Ephron (American screenwriter, 1941-2012)

"My body, on the move, resembles in sight and sound nothing so much as a bin-liner full of yoghurt." Stephen Fry (English actor and writer, 1957-)

"Mr Richards was a tall man with what must have been a magnificent build before his stomach went in for a career of its own." Margaret Halsey (American writer, 1910-97)

"That's tough, to think of yourself one way and look another." Tippi Hedren (American actress, 1930-) about Alfred Hitchcock, who thought he looked like actor Cary Grant.

"I'd like to borrow his body for just 48 hours. There are three guys I'd like to beat up and four women I'd like to make love to." Jim Murray (English actor, 1975-) talking about Muhammad Ali

"If I see something sagging, dragging or bagging, I'm going to have the stuff tucked or plucked." Dolly Parton (American singer and songwriter, 1946-)

Cuddling up to *a piece of gristle.*a super model.*your favourite teddy.* Guy Ritchie (English film director, 1968-) talking about Madonna

"Thou seest I have more flesh than another man, and therefore more frailty." William Shakespeare (English dramatist, 1564-1616)

"The body of a young woman is God's greatest achievement ... Of course, He could have built it to last longer but you can't have everything." Neil Simon (American dramatist, 1927-)

"The lunches of fifty-seven years had caused his chest to slip down into the mezzanine floor." P. G. Wodehouse (English-born writer, 1881-1975)