Vice and Virtue

"I can resist everything except temptation." Oscar Wilde (Irish dramatist and poet, 1854-1900)

"A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal." Oscar Wilde (Irish dramatist and poet, 1854-1900)

"I used to be Snow White ... but I drifted." Mae West (American film actress, 1892-1980)

"I'm as pure as the driven slush." Tallulah Bankhead (American actress, 1903-68)

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to *yield to it.*drink heavily.*stay in bed.* Oscar Wilde (Irish dramatist and poet, 1854-1900)

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it." Mae West (American actress, 1892-1980)

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two *weeks.*pounds.*friends.* Totie Fields (American comedian, 1930-1978) on the vice of gluttony

"The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made." Groucho Marx (American film comedian, 1890-1977) on the virtue of honesty

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." Winston Churchill (British Conservative statesman, 1874-1965)

"If you want to know what God thinks of *money*beauty*blonde hair* just look at the people he gave it to." Dorothy Parker (American humorist, 1893-1967) on the virtue of wealth

"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." Humphrey Bogart (American actor, 1899-1957) on the virtue of sobriety

"Always *forgive*uppercut*talk about* your enemies; nothing annoys them so much." Oscar Wilde (Irish dramatist and poet, 1854-1900) on the virtue of forgiveness

"Hard work is simply the refuge of people who have nothing whatever to do." Oscar Wilde (Irish dramatist and poet, 1854-1900) on the virtue of hard work

"It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious." Oscar Wilde (Irish dramatist and poet, 1854-1900)

"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt." Mark Twain (American writer, 1835-1910) on the virtue of silence

"I've got all the *money*friends*compliments* I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock." Henny Youngman (American comedian, 1906-98) on the vice of greed

"The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese." Steven Wright (American comedian, 1955-) on the virtue of patience

"Most *plain*Scottish*pretty* girls are virtuous because of the scarcity of opportunity to be otherwise." Maya Angelou (American writer, 1928-)

"Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited." Ambrose Bierce (American writer, 1842-1914)

"Lead me not into *temptation.*a battle.*a pub.* I can find the way myself." Rita Mae Brown (American novelist and poet, 1944-)

"I fear I have nothing original in me - Excepting Original Sin." Thomas Campbell (Scottish poet, 1777-1844)

"What terrible sins I have working for me. I suppose it's the wages." Peter Cook (English satirist and actor, 1937-95)

"The louder he talked of his *honour*mistresses*sons* the faster we counted our spoons." Ralph Waldo Emerson (American philosopher and poet, 1803-82)

"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer, it just seems longer." Clement Freud (English politician, broadcaster, and writer, 1924-2009)

"Honesty is a good thing but it is not profitable to its possessor unless it is kept under control." Don Marquis (American poet and journalist, 1878-1937)

"Self-denial is not a virtue: it is only the effect of prudence on rascality." George Bernard Shaw (Irish dramatist, 1856-1950)

When I'm good, I'm very, very good, but when I'm bad, I'm *better.*very very bad.*boring.* Mae West (American film actress, 1892-1980)

"Between two *evils*cakes*men* I always pick the one I never tried before." Mae West (American film actress, 1892-1980)

"To err is human – but it feels divine." Mae West (American film actress, 1892-1980)