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Funny Quotations about Scotland

quotations about Scotland

Scotland, a country known for its breathtaking landscapes, rich history, and vibrant culture, has long captivated the imaginations of both its inhabitants and visitors from around the world. From the rugged beauty of its highlands to the historic charm of its cities, and from the haunting melodies of bagpipes to the warm hospitality of its people, Scotland offers a kaleidoscope of experiences.

This collection of funny quotations celebrates the unique allure of Scotland. They bring to life the country's stunning natural beauty, its proud heritage, its spirited people, and its contributions to literature, science, and the arts. Whether you're a Scot at heart, an admirer of Scottish culture, or a traveler seeking inspiration, these quotes will transport you to the land of tartan and thistle, evoking the magic and charm that is quintessentially Scotland.

"In Scotland, beautiful as it is, it was always raining. Even when it wasn't raining, it was about to rain, or had just rained. It's a very angry sky." Colin Hay (Scottish-Australian musician, 1953-)

"Without the shepherd's dog, the whole of the open mountainous land in Scotland would not be worth a sixpence." James Hogg (Scottish poet, 1770-1835)

"Put some whisky in my coffee because it's Scotland somewhere!" Anon

Scottish summer is when the rain *gets warmer.*disappears.*returns.* Anon

"Two negatives make a positive but only in Scotland do two positives make a negative." Frankie Boyle (British comedian, 1972-)

"The Glasgow invention of squared-toed shoes was to enable the Glasgow man to get closer to the bar." Jack House (Scottish writer, 1906-1991)

"Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake." W. C. Fields (American humorist, 1880-1946)

"Scotland is a picturesque country where the people are friendly yet completely incomprehensible. Also, the national delicacy is a sheep's stomach filled with its liver, lungs, and heart." Adam Schlesinger (American musician, 1967-2020)

"Scotch whisky is made from *barley*love*hops* and the morning dew on angels' nipples." Warren Ellis (British comedian, 1968-)

"God help England if she had no Scots to think for her." George Bernard Shaw (Irish dramatist, 1856-1950)

"Don't mess with Scottish people. They are temperamental. Half temper, half mental." Anon

"As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years." Frankie Boyle (British comedian, 1972-)

"Scotland is the *Canada*arse*best bit* of England!" Rainn Wilson (American actor, 1966-)

"Kilt, n. – a costume was sometimes worn by Scotsmen in America and Americans in Scotland." Ambrose Bierce (c. 1914 American writer, 1842-)

"Welcome to Glasgow – the city where we punch people who are on fire." Frankie Boyle (British comedian, 1972-)

"I look upon Switzerland as an inferior sort of Scotland." Sydney Smith (English clergyman and essayist, 1771-1845)

"The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards." Billy Connolly (Scottish comedian, 1942-)

My theory is that all Scottish food is *based on a dare.*inedible.*nutritious.* Anon

"There are two seasons in Scotland: June and winter." Billy Connolly (Scottish comedian, 1942-)

"Oats. A grain, which in England is generally given to horses, but in Scotland supports the people." Samuel Johnson (English poet, critic, and lexicographer, 1709-84)

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