funny quotation logo


Crime and Punishment

Quotations about Crime and Punishment

homethemesCrime and Punishment

The realm of crime and punishment is a fascinating and paradoxically grim subject that has engaged philosophers, writers, and thinkers throughout human history. It encompasses themes of morality, justice, law, human nature, and societal structures, and provides a complex backdrop against which humans grapple with their actions and their consequences. The following compilation of quotations delves into this intricate tapestry, shedding light on various facets of crime and its associated retribution.

From the perspectives of law enforcement officials and criminals, to the musings of comedians and novelists, these quotations offer a broad spectrum of insights into the human condition when faced with the law's dictates.

quotations about crime and punishment

"When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'" Groucho Marx (American film comedian, 1890-1977)

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better *lawyer.*story.*haircut.* Robert Frost (American poet, 1874-1963)

"Thieves find each other handsome." Arabic Proverb

"A kleptomaniac is a person who helps himself because he can't help himself." Henry Morgan (Welsh privateer, 1635-1688)

"I don't have to worry about being sentenced to hell. I feel often enough like I'm in an advanced stage of it already." Woody Allen (director and actor, 1935-)

"I told my lawyer he's better off stealing my money. He said, 'At your income level, it's not worth my time.'" Henny Youngman (American comedian, 1906-98)

"I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five." Steven Wright (American comedian, 1955-)

"I'm not a paranoid, deranged millionaire. God dammit, I'm a billionaire." Howard Hughes Jr. (American businessman and film producer, 1905-76)

The trouble with law is *lawyers.*the bureaucracy.*the waiting for a court case.* Clarence Darrow (American lawyer, 1857-1938)

"If you steal from one author, it's plagiarism; if you steal from many, it's research." Wilson Mizner (American dramatist, 1876-1933)

"Bank robbery is an initiative of amateurs. True professionals establish a bank." Bertolt Brecht (German dramatist, 1898-1956)

"I have kleptomania. When it gets bad, I take something for it." Anon

"Mafia hitman, on trial in Sicily for a double murder: It was not me who killed those two men because that night I was shooting two other men." Anon

"Thieves respect property. They merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it." G. K. Chesterton (English essayist, novelist, and poet, 1874-1936)

"He found it inconvenient to be poor." William Cowper (English poet, 1731-1800) of a burglar

"Though he might be more humble, there is no police like Holmes." Ernest Hornung (English novelist, 1866-1921)

The only reason I'm not a kleptomaniac is that I hate to steal *things in alphabetical order.*my own things.*from the local shop.* Woody Allen (director and actor, 1935-)

Help Us Improve Funny Quotation (#FuQ)

  • Do you know a great quotation that belongs on this page?
  • Do you disagree with our top three?
  • Do you disagree with something else on this page?
  • Have we credited the wrong person with the quotation?

Find Us Quicker!

  • When using a search engine (e.g., Google, Bing), you will find us quicker if you add #FuQ to your search term.