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Funny Quotations about Epitaphs

"Here lies Spike Milligan. I told you I was ill." Spike Milligan (Irish comedian, 1918-2002)

"Al B. Bach" Someone called Alan Bach presumably

"Here lies an atheist. All dressed up and nowhere to go." Unknown

"I will not be right back after this message." Merv Griffin (American television host, 1925-2007)

"Keep off the grass." Peter Ustinov (British actor, director, and writer, 1921-2004) offering a suggestion for his own headstone

"He finally met his deadline." Douglas Adams (English science fiction writer, 1952-2001) when asked to write his own epitaph

"She sleeps alone at last." Robert Benchley (American humorist, 1889-1945) suggesting an epitaph for an unnamed movie queen

"Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia." W. C. Fields (American humorist, 1880-1946)

"John Le Mesurier wishes it to be known that he conked out on November 15th. He sadly misses family and friends." John Le Mesurier (English actor, 1912-83)

"Excuse My Dust." Dorothy Parker (American critic and humorist, 1893-1967)

"Without you,
Heaven would be too dull to bear,
And Hell would not be Hell
if you are there. John Sparrow (English academic, 1906-92) offering an epitaph for Maurice Bowra

"The only man, woman or child who wrote a simple declarative sentence with seven grammatical errors is dead." e. e. cummings (American poet, 1894-1962) on the death of US President Warren G. Harding

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