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Family

Quotations about Family

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Family is a fundamental pillar of society, encompassing diverse relationships and connections that span generations. From parents and siblings to extended relatives and chosen family, the ties that bind us together form the tapestry of our lives. Family is a source of support, companionship, and sometimes, a touch of delightful chaos. In this compilation, we explore the lighter side of family, presenting a collection of funny quotations that touch upon the amusing, relatable, and sometimes unexpected aspects of familial relationships. So, prepare to embrace the laughter, cherish the joys of family life, and embark on a journey filled with humour and the beautiful complexity of the family unit.

Get ready to chuckle as we present a compilation of funny quotations about family. While family is a source of love, support, and connection, there are moments of levity, irony, and playful observation that arise when exploring the world of familial relationships. From witty remarks on the joys and challenges of sibling dynamics to humorous reflections on the quirks of family gatherings, these quotes offer a lighthearted perspective on the whimsical and often comical aspects of family life.

quotations about family

"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." Ogden Nash (American humorist, 1902-71)

"Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family." Chelsea Handler (American comedienne and writer, 1975-)

"My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade." Harry Hill (English comedian, 1964-)

If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well *make it dance.*paint it.*put it on show.* George Bernard Shaw (Irish dramatist, 1856-1950)

"The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going." George Carlin (American comedian, 1937-2008)

"You know what it’s like having five kids? Imagine you’re drowning and someone hands you a baby." Jim Gaffigan (American comedian, 1966-)

"Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you." Anon

"A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it." Jerry Seinfeld (American comedian, 1954-)

"My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic." Spike Milligan (Irish comedian, 1918-2002)

"It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too." Anon

"It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it." Betty White (American actress, 1922-2021)

"Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet." Anon

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." George Burns (American comedian, 1896-1996)

It's like getting a telegram from *the mortuary.*the grave.*the Queen.* Martin Amis (English novelist, 1949-) talking about becoming a grandfather.

"My mother-in-law broke up my marriage. My wife came home from work one day and found us in bed together." Lenny Bruce (American comedian, 1925-66)

"The first half of our lives is ruined by our parents, the second half by our children." Clarence Darrow (American lawyer, 1857-1938)

"My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is." Ellen DeGeneres (American comedian and actress, 1958-)

"Accidents will occur in the best-regulated families." Charles Dickens (English novelist, 1812-70)

"You know what they say, if at first you don't succeed, you're not the eldest son." Stephen Fry (English comedian, actor, and writer, 1957-)

"As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it." Buddy Hackett (American comedian, 1924-2003)

"I'm also told that the latest popular game in America is called Incest – all the family can join in!" Rupert Hart-Davis (British writer and publisher, 1907-99)

"A dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it." Mary Karr (American poet, 1955-)

"The English take breeding of horses and dogs more seriously than children. God forbid the wrong drop of blood should get into their Labrador." Anon

"I want to spend more time with my family, but I'm not sure they want to spend more time with me." Esther Rantzen (English broadcaster, 1940-)

"Teenagers are God's punishment for having sex." Anon

"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." Bill Cosby (American comedian and actor, 1937-)

"I was decorating, so I got out my step-ladder. I don't get on with my real ladder." Harry Hill (English comedian, 1964-)

"Living with a teenage daughter is like living under the Taliban. Mothers are not allowed to dance, sing, flirt, laugh loudly or wear short skirts." Kathy Lette (Australian writer, 1958-)

"The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy." Sam Levenson (American humorist, 1911-80)

"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio." Joan Rivers (American comedienne, 1933-)

There's no such thing as fun for the whole family. Jerry Seinfeld (American comedian, 1954-)

Children and zip fasteners do not respond to force... except occasionally. Katharine Whitehorn (English journalist, 1928-)

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