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Funny Quotations about Heaven and Hell

quotations about heaven and hell

Welcome to the contemplative realms of heaven and hell, where concepts of the afterlife and the eternal destiny of the soul have fascinated and inspired countless cultures and belief systems. Heaven and hell are often depicted as contrasting realms, representing the rewards or punishments for one's actions in life. While interpretations and beliefs surrounding these concepts vary greatly across different religions and spiritual traditions, they often explore themes of morality, justice, and the ultimate fate of the human soul. In this compilation, we approach the topics of heaven and hell with respect for diverse perspectives and a recognition of the deep significance they hold for many individuals. It is important to approach these discussions with sensitivity, understanding, and an appreciation for the profound beliefs and convictions that people hold.

While heaven and hell are often regarded as serious and weighty topics, humour can offer a fresh perspective on our understanding of these concepts. In this collection, we present a compilation of funny quotations that touch upon the lighter side of heaven and hell. While it's important to approach these topics with sensitivity and respect, there are moments of light-heartedness and irony that arise as we contemplate the mysteries of the afterlife. These quotes provide a playful lens through which to explore the ideas of heaven and hell, acknowledging the potential for laughter and the humorous aspects that may arise when contemplating eternal rewards or punishments.

"I have friends in both places." Mark Twain (American writer, 1835-1910)

"I'm not afraid of dying. I just don't want to be there when it happens." Woody Allen (director and actor, 1935-)

"I always thought heaven would be a place where I'd get to meet Mozart, but hell would be meeting him and finding out he's a pompous jerk." Peter Kreeft (American author, 1937-)

Heaven is where the police are British, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian, and it's all organized by *the Swiss.*your mother.*God.* Anon

Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are British, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and it's all organized by the *Italians.*British.*Spanish.* Anon

I'm not sure what heaven will be like, but I know there will be *chocolate.*dogs.*cats.* Anon

"I'm not afraid of hell. It's just like summer camp, but without the fun activities." Anon

"Heaven is where you have unlimited data and no *buffering.*passwords.*spammers.* Hell is where your Wi-Fi is always slow." Anon

"I heard in heaven they have an unlimited supply of popcorn and no calories. In hell, they have an unlimited supply of kale chips and no dip." Anon

"Heaven is where you get to see all the loved ones you've lost. Hell is where they're all waiting for you with a laundry list of things they want you to fix." Anon

"Heaven is the place where all the dogs you've ever loved come to greet you." Anon

Hell is *other people.*closer than you think.*Saudi Arabia in August.* Jean-Paul Sartre (French philosopher, 1905-80)

"Heaven is where God is, and to be where God is, that's heaven." Billy Graham (American evangelist, 1918-2018)

"Hell is *empty*close*where you are* and all the devils are here." William Shakespeare (English dramatist, 1564-1616)

"Heaven is a place where nothing ever happens." David Byrne (Scottish-American musician, 1952-)

"I always say, as you know, that if my fellow citizens want to go to Hell I will help them. It's my job." Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. (American lawyer, 1841-1935)

"The Devil himself had probably re-designed Hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts." Anthony Price (English writer and editor, 1928-)

My idea of heaven is, eating pate de foie gras to the sound of *trumpets.*The Ramones.*angels.* Sydney Smith (English clergyman and essayist, 1771-1845)

"If Max Beaverbrook gets to Heaven he won't last long. He will be chucked out for trying to pull off a merger between Heaven and Hell... after having secured a controlling interest in key subsidiary companies in both places, of course." H. G. Wells (English novelist, 1866-1946)

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