Housework

"Nature abhors a vacuum. And so do I." Anne Gibbons (American cartoonist, DOB unknown)

"A bright person can always think of something better to do than housework." Ruby Lou Barnhill (English actress, 2004-)

Instead of cleaning the house, I just *turn off the lights.*go to the pub.*leave the house.* Anon

"I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes – and six months later you have to start all over again." Joan Rivers (American comedienne, 1933-)

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a *glance.*broom.*wand.* Erma Bombeck (American humorist, 1927-96)

"I'm not going to vacuum until Sears makes one you can ride on." Roseanne Barr (actress, 1953-)

"I make no secret of the fact that I would rather lie on a sofa than sweep beneath it." Shirley Conran (English writer, 1932-)

"The trouble with *living alone*married life*living with a pop star* is that it's always your turn to do the dishes." Anon

"My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint." Erma Bombeck (American humorist, 1927-96)

"I am thankful for a lawn that needs mowing, windows that need cleaning and gutters that need fixing because it means I have a home.... I am thankful for the piles of laundry and ironing because it means my loved ones are nearby." Nancie J. Carmody (American poet, DOB unknown)

"Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it." Evan Esar (American comedy writer, 1899-1995)

"Cleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard." Margaret Culkin Banning (American writer, 1891-1982)

"This is a honeydew day. That is when you get a day off and the wife says, 'Honey, do this,' and 'Honey, do that' around the house." Anon

"You don't get anything clean without getting something else dirty." Cecil Baxter (occupation unknown, DOB unknown)

"One only needs two tools in life: *WD-40*Cocaine*Electricity* to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop." G.M. Weilacher (occupation unknown, DOB unknown)

"Dust is a protective coating for fine furniture." Mario Buatta (American interior decorator, 1935-2018)

"I think housework is far more tiring and frightening than hunting is, no comparison, and yet after hunting we had eggs for tea and were made to rest for hours, but after housework people expect one to go on just as if nothing special had happened." Nancy Mitford (English writer, 1904-73)

"My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?" Erma Bombeck (American humorist, 1927-96)

"Conran's Law of Housework – it expands to fill the time available plus half an hour." Shirley Conran (English writer, 1932-)

"There was no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years, the dirt doesn't get any worse." Quentin Crisp (English writer, 1908-99)

"The graveyards are full of women whose houses were so spotless you could eat off the floor. Remember the second wife always has a maid." Heloise Cruse (American writer, 1919-77)

"Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?" Phyllis Diller (American actress, 1917-2012)

"The worst thing about work in the house or home is that whatever you do it is destroyed, laid waste or eaten within twenty-four hours." Alexandra Hasluck (Australian writer, 1908-93)

All I need is room enough to lay a hat and *a few friends.*a coat.*a few bets.* Dorothy Parker (American critic and humorist, 1893-1967)

"The only advantage of not being too good a housekeeper is that your guests are so pleased to feel how very much better they are." Eleanor Roosevelt (American humanitarian and diplomat, 1884-1962)

"Home life as we understand it is no more natural to us than a cage is natural to a cockatoo." George Bernard Shaw (Irish dramatist, 1856-1950)

"It looks different when you're sober. I thought I had twice as much furniture." Neil Simon (American dramatist, 1927-)

"I do. I wear the trousers. And I wash and iron them, too." Denis Thatcher (English businessman and husband of Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, 1915-2003) when asked who wore the trousers at home

"When it comes to housework the one thing no book of household management can ever tell you is how to begin. Or maybe I mean why." Katharine Whitehorn (English journalist, 1928-)