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Funny Quotations about Husbands

quotations about husbands

Introducing husbands: those elusive creatures who wander the realm of relationships, forever straddling the line between endearing and exasperating.

These mysterious beings have been a source of both joy and frustration for countless partners throughout the ages. While they may possess an uncanny ability to locate the remote control amidst a sea of sofa cushions, their usefulness often wanes when it comes to remembering anniversaries, fixing leaky pipes, or locating the whereabouts of misplaced car keys. But fear not, for in their amusing inadequacies lies a peculiar charm that makes life a tad more joyful. After all, what would we do without husbands, those ever-present reminders that laughter truly is the best solution to their well-intentioned, yet occasionally useless, endeavours?

"Husbands never become good; they merely become proficient." H. L. Mencken (American journalist and literary critic, 1880-1956)

"You mean apart from my own?" Zsa Zsa Gabor (Hungarian-born actress, 1917-2016) answering how many husbands she'd had

AI image of Zsa Zsa Gabor in the style of Andy Warhol

"You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work." Lee Trevino (American golfer, 1939-)

"My mother buried three husbands – and two of them were only napping." Rita Rudner (American comedienne and writer, 1953-)

I believe in large families: every woman should have at least three *husbands.*children.*houses.* Zsa Zsa Gabor (Hungarian-born actress, 1917-2016)

"The road to success is filled with women pushing their husbands along." Thomas Dewar (Scottish whisky distiller, 1864-1930)

"Husbands are chiefly good as lovers when they are betraying their wives." Marilyn Monroe (American actress, 1926-62)

The most popular labour-saving device today is still a husband with *money.*a hammer.*flowers.* Joey Adams (American comedian, 1911-99)

"My husband will never chase another woman. He's too fine, too decent, too old." Gracie Allen (American comedienne, 1895-1964)

"Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same." Anon

"If a woman laughs at her husband's joke, it means he has told a new joke or he has a new wife." Anon

"My husband said he needed more space, so I locked him outside." Roseanne Barr (American comedienne and actress, 1953-)

"Never marry a man who hates *his mother*himself*your mother* because he'll end up hating you." Jill Bennett (English actress, 1931-90)

A girl can wait for the right man, but in the meantime that doesn't mean she can't have a wonderful time with the wrong ones. Cher (American singer and actress, 1946-)

"I've never yet met a man who could look after me. I don't need a husband. What I need is a wife." Joan Collins (British actress, 1933-)

"Husbands are *like fires.*the same as dogs.*funny.* They go out when unattended." Zsa Zsa Gabor (Hungarian-born actress, 1917-2016)

The best thing about being married is having someone who *puts out the rubbish.*pays the bills.*argues with me.* Ulrika Jonsson (Swedish television presenter, 1967-)

"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his cheque book open." Groucho Marx (American film comedian, 1890-1977)

"Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name." Joan Rivers (American comedienne, 1933-)

"When you see what some girls marry, you realise how they must hate to work for a living." Helen Rowland (American writer, 1875-1950)

He would grab me in his arms, hold me close and tell me how wonderful *he was.*I was.*the world is.*Shelley Winters (American actress, 1922-2006)

"Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his forehead first, and if it rings solid, don't hesitate. All the unhappy marriages come from the husbands having brains." P. G. Wodehouse (English-born writer, 1881-1975)

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