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Funny Quotations about Marriage

quotations about marriage

Marriage, a sacred bond and a social contract, holds different meanings for different people. It is a journey of companionship, a partnership of love and life, and a commitment that calls for understanding, patience, and mutual respect. In different cultures and religions, it is celebrated and understood in various ways, but it always represents a significant milestone in human relationships.

The following collection of quotations provides a multifaceted view of marriage. They stem from the wisdom of those who have experienced the joys and challenges of married life, from observers who have drawn insights from others' marriages, from scholars who have studied its sociological and psychological aspects, and from writers who have spun tales around it. These quotations touch on the romance, commitment, companionship, and sometimes, the complex dynamics of married life.

These witty quotations invite reflection on the institution of marriage, offering insights into its rewards, its challenges, and its role in personal and societal life. Whether you're married, contemplating marriage, or simply interested in understanding this profound human relationship better, these funny quotations offer a rich tapestry of perspectives on the beautiful and complex journey of marriage.

"When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife." Prince Philip (Duke of Edinburgh, 1921-2021)

"Before you marry a person you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are." Will Ferrell (American actor, 1967-)

"Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut and a woman who can't sleep with the window open." George Bernard Shaw (Irish dramatist, 1856-1950)

"Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day." Mickey Rooney (American actor, 1920-2014)

"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." Albert Einstein (Theoretical physicist, 1879-1955)

When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that's a few steps ahead is the one that's *mad.*happiest.*in charge.* Helen Rowland (American writer, 1875-1950)

"Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one." Mae West (American actress, 1892-1980)

"The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that they're too *old*important*young* to do it." Anne Bancroft (American actress, 1931-2005)

"Marriages are made in heaven. But so are thunder and lightning." Clint Eastwood (American actor, 1930-)

"Had date night tonight. Went to Lowe's and bought a toilet." Anon

"I think people should mate for life – like pigeons, or Catholics." Woody Allen (director and actor, 1935-)

"Marriage is the only *war*agreement*time* where one sleeps with the enemy." Anon

"All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterwards that causes all the trouble." Anon

"The marriage suffered a setback in 1965 when the husband was killed by the wife." Anon

"I'm not going to make the same mistake once." Warren Beatty (American actor, 1937-)

"Love matches are formed by people who pay for a month of honey with a life of vinegar." Countess of Blessington (Irish novelist, 1789-1849)

"It was very good of God to let Carlyle and Mrs Carlyle marry one another and so make only two people miserable instead of four." Samuel Butler (English novelist, 1835-1902)

"I have great hopes that we shall love each other all our lives as much as if we had never married at all." Lord Byron (English poet, 1788-1824)

"I am not at all the sort of person you and I took me for." Jane Carlyle (wife of Thomas Carlyle, 1801-66)

"Marriage is a feast where the *grace*dessert*chef* is better than the dinner." Charles Caleb Colton (English writer, 1780-1832)

"Marriage is a wonderful invention; but, then again, so is a bicycle repair kit." Billy Connolly (Scottish comedian, 1942-)

"Marriage is just a way of getting out of an embarrassing pause in conversation." Richard Curtis (New Zealand-born writer, 1956-)

"We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together." Rodney Dangerfield (American comedian, 1921-2004)

"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards." Benjamin Franklin (American politician, inventor, and scientist, 1706-90)

"I support gay marriage because I believe they have a right to be just as *miserable*happy*annoyed* as the rest of us." Kinky Friedman (American singer and politician, 1944-)

"A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished." Zsa Zsa Gabor (Hungarian-born film actress, 1917-2016)

"My mother said it was simple to keep a man, you must be a maid in the living room, a cook in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom. I said I'd hire the other two and take care of the bedroom bit." Jerry Hall (American model, 1956-)

The concept of two people living together for 25 years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in *sheep.*dogs.*parrots.* A. P. Herbert (English writer and humorist, 1890-1971)

"Do you think I'd marry anyone who would marry me?" Henry James (American novelist, 1843-1916)

"The most difficult year of marriage is the one you're in." Franklin P. Jones (American businessman, 1887-1929)

"The honeymoon is over when he phones that he'll be late for supper – and she has already left a note that it's in the refrigerator." Bill Lawrence (American screenwriter, 1968-)

"Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl." Stephen Leacock (Canadian humorist, 1869-1944)

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