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Funny Quotations about Medicine

quotations about medicine

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to a captivating expedition into the vast realm of medicine. As we venture into this awe-inspiring domain, we'll explore the fascinating world of doctors, patients, and the delightful complexities that arise within the field of healing.

Through an assortment of enlightening and humorous quotations, we'll discover the delicate balance between science and humanity, the triumphs and occasional blunders that occur within the medical profession, and the remarkable resilience of the human body and spirit. So, grab your stethoscopes, don your lab coats, and prepare to embark on a journey filled with laughter, insight, and a deeper appreciation for the remarkable world of medicine.

"The art of medicine consists in amusing the patient while nature cures the disease." Voltaire (French writer and philosopher, 1694-1778)

"Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine." Lord Byron (English poet, 1788-1824)

"Laughter is the best medicine – unless you're diabetic, then *insulin*crying*chocolate* comes pretty high on the list." Jasper Carrott (English comedian, 1945-)

"Poisons and medicine are oftentimes the same substance given with different intents." Anon

"My doctor gave me two weeks to live. I hope they're in August." Ronnie Shakes (comedian, 1947-1987)

"I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso." Rita Rudner (American comedienne and writer, 1953-)

"Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments." Jay Leno (American comedian, 1950-)

"I'm not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course." Groucho Marx (American film comedian, 1890-1977)

"I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places." Henny Youngman (American comedian, 1906-98)

"After twelve years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said: 'No hablo ingles.'" Ronnie Shakes (comedian, 1947-1987)

"What's the difference between God and a surgeon? God doesn't think he's a surgeon." Ronnie Shakes (comedian, 1947-1987)

"I'm taking *a rubber hammer*a knife*a coffee* to the doctor's office so it will be a fair fight this time." Anon

"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." Alexander the Great (Greek king, 356–323 BC)

"I was in for ten hours and had 40 pints, beating my previous record by 20 minutes." George Best (Northern Irish footballer, 1946-2005)

"Physician: One on whom we set our hopes when ill, and our dogs when well." Ambrose Bierce (American writer, 1842-1914)

"A fashionable surgeon, like a pelican, can be recognized by the size of his bill." John Chalmers DaCosta (American surgeon, 1863-1933)

"A Harvard medical school study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's *temperature.*name.*age.* Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss." Tina Fey (American comedian and actress, 1970-)

"A cousin of mine who was a casualty surgeon in Manhattan tells me that he and his colleagues had a one-word nickname for bikers: Donors." Stephen Fry (English comedian, actor, and writer, 1957-)

"A hospital is no place to be sick." Sam Goldwyn (American film producer, 1882-1974)

"If you have a stomach ache, in France you get a suppository, in Germany a health spa, in the United States they cut your stomach open, and in Britain they put you on a waiting list." Michael Mosley (science presenter, 1957-)

"A specialist is a man who knows more and more about less and less." William Mayo (American physician, 1861-1939)

"Cured yesterday of my disease, I died last night of my physician." Matthew Prior (English poet, 1664-1721)

"There would never be any public agreement among doctors if they did not agree to agree on the main point of the doctor being always in the right." George Bernard Shaw (Irish dramatist, 1856-1950)

I can't stand whispering. Every time a doctor whispers in the hospital, next day there's a *funeral.*fight.*thunder storm.*Neil Simon (American dramatist, 1927-)

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