Men

"I want a man who's kind and understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?" Zsa Zsa Gabor (Hungarian-born actress, 1917-2016)

"Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law." Hubert Humphrey (American Democratic politician, 1911-78)

"My mother's two categories: nice men did things for you, bad men did things to you." Margaret Atwood (Canadian novelist, 1939-)

A man is like a deck of cards. You need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to beat him, and a spade *to bury him.*to help him plant potatoes.*clear the snow.* Anon

"A man's biggest mistake is giving another man the opportunity to make his woman smile." Anon

"Men are like wine. Some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age." Pope John XXIII (head of the Catholic Church, 1881-1963)

"Men are like parking spots. All the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped." Anon

"Men are like *bank accounts.*animals.*bats.* Without a lot of money, they don't generate a lot of interest." Anon

"A man's brain has a simple on/off switch for sex. Women have a 27-button remote control with mood lighting and surround sound." Anon

"A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs. A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need because it's on sale." Anon

"Men are like shoes. Some are expensive, some look nice, and some just need to be thrown away." Anon

Behind every great man is a woman rolling *her eyes.*a cigar.*and rocking.* Jim Carrey (Canadian actor, 1962-)

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of *a wife.*a sports car.*a dog.* Jane Austen (English novelist, 1775-1817)

"A man who correctly guesses a woman's age may be smart, but he's not very bright." Lucille Ball (American actress, 1911-89)

"Women were brought up to believe that men were the answer. They weren't. They weren't even one of the questions." Julian Barnes (English novelist, 1946-)

"All men are children anyway and if you understand that, a woman understands everything." Coco Chanel (French couturière, 1883-1971)

"Summer bachelors, like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be." Nora Ephron (American screenwriter and director, 1941-2012)

"To men, *porno movies*the works of Shakespeare*the Harry Potter films* are beautiful love stories with all the boring stuff taken out." Richard Jeni (American comedian, 1957-2007)

"When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason – there's a reason!" Marian Jordan (American actress, 1898-1961)

"Most men think monogamy is something you make dining-room tables out of." Kathy Lette (Australian writer, 1958-)

"A man's home may seem to be his castle on the outside; inside it is more often his nursery." Clare Booth Luce (American diplomat, politician, and writer, 1903-87)

*Bachelors*Happy men*Poor men* have consciences; married men have wives. H. L. Mencken (American journalist and literary critic, 1880-1956)

"The follies which a man regrets most, in his life, are those which he didn't commit when he had the opportunity." Helen Rowland (American writer, 1875-1950)

"I like men to behave like men – strong and childish." Françoise Sagan (French novelist, 1935-2004)

God made him, and therefore let him pass for a man. William Shakespeare (English dramatist, 1564-1616)

"A man in the house is worth two in the street." Mae West (American film actress, 1892-1980)

"There is, of course, no reason for the existence of the male sex except that sometimes one needs help with moving the piano." Rebecca West (English novelist and journalist, 1892-1983)

"A fox is a *wolf*vampire*shark* who sends flowers." Ruth Weston (American actress, 1906-55)