Money

"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." Mark Twain (American writer, 1835-1910)

"Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did." Henny Youngman (American comedian, 1906-98)

"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less." Brendan Behan (Irish dramatist, 1923-64)

"If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars." J. Paul Getty (British petroleum industrialist, 1892-1976)

"Money doesn't make you happy. I now have $50 million, but I was just as happy when I had $48 million." Arnold Schwarzenegger (Austrian-born American actor and Republican politician, 1947-)

"You can be young without money but you can't be old without it." Tennessee Williams (American dramatist, 1911-83)

"Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money." Jackie Mason (American comedian, 1931-)

"Money doesn't change you; it reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." Tim Ferriss (American entrepreneur, 1977-)

"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?" John Barrymore (American actor, 1882-1942)

"I'm tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok." Shaquille O'Neal (basketball player, 1972-)

"I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons." Douglas Adams (English science fiction writer, 1952-2001)

"If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments." Earl Wilson (American journalist, 1907-87)

"Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair." Sam Ewing (baseball player, 1949-)

"Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons." Woody Allen (American film director, writer, and actor, 1935-)

"That money talks I'll not deny, I heard it once, It said goodbye." Richard Armour (American poet, 1906-89)

"Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex, you thought of nothing else if you didn't have it and thought of other things if you did." James Baldwin (American novelist and essayist, 1924-87)

"I said your money or your life."
"I'm thinking it over!" Jack Benny (American comedian and actor, 1894-1974)

"I live in a two-income household, but who knows how long my mom can keep that up." Shmuel Breban American comedian

"Saving is a very fine thing, especially when your parents have done it for you." Winston Churchill (British Conservative statesman, 1874-1965)

"If it flies, floats, or fornicates, rent it. It's cheaper in the long run." Felix Dennis (English publisher, 1947-)

"When you don't have any money, the problem is food. When you have money, it's sex. When you have both it's health." J. P. Donleavy (Irish-American novelist, 1926-)

"A fool and his money are soon parted. What I want to know is how they got together in the first place." Cyril Fletcher (English comedian, 1913-2005)

"My main problem is reconciling my gross habits with my net income." Errol Flynn (Australian-born American actor, 1909-59)

"A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain." Robert Frost (American poet, 1874-1963)

"A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it." Bob Hope (American comedian, 1903-2003)

"Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it." Frank McKinney Hubbard (American humorist, 1868-1930)

"Never say you know a man until you have divided an inheritance with him." Johann Kaspar Lavater (Swiss theologian, 1741-1801)

"Money is like manure. If you spread it around it does a lot of good, but if you pile it up in one place it stinks like hell." Clint Murchison (American businessman, 1923-87)

"Money talks, but credit has an echo." Bob Thaves (American cartoonist, 1924-2006)