Music

"Wagner's music is better than it sounds." Bill Nye (American humorist, 1850-96)

"I don't like country music, but I don't mean to denigrate those who do. And for the people who like country music, denigrate means 'put down'." Bob Newhart (American comedian, 1929-)

I can't listen to too much Wagner, ya know? I start to get the urge to *conquer Poland.*eat bratwursts.*take a bath.* Woody Allen (American film director, writer, and actor, 1935-)

"Writing about music is like dancing about architecture." Anon

"Music is like candy. You throw away the rappers." Anon

"Music is what feelings sound like." Anon

I don't always listen to music, but when I do, *so do my neighbors.*I like it.*I play Bach.* Anon

"Music is the strongest form of magic." Marilyn Manson (American rock musician, 1969-)

"My brain is 80% song lyrics." Anon

"I don't trust people who don't like music. They're probably aliens." Anon

"Music is the art which is most nigh to tears and memories." Oscar Wilde (Irish dramatist and poet, 1854-1900)

Music is my drug of choice, but then again, I also like *actual drugs.*dogs.*swimming.* Anon

"I'm not saying I'm good at singing, but I am saying I'm the best in the shower." Anon

"If you still have to ask... shame on you." Louis Armstrong (American singer and jazz musician, 1901-71) when asked what jazz is

"There is nothing to it. You only have to hit *the right notes*the cat*the beat* at the right time and the instrument plays itself." Johann Sebastian Bach (German composer, 1685-1750) when complimented on his organ playing

"I love Wagner, but the music I prefer is that of a cat hung up by its tail outside a window and trying to stick to the panes of glass with its claws." Charles Baudelaire (French poet and critic, 1821-67)

"There are two golden rules for an orchestra: start together and finish together. The public doesn't give a damn what goes on in between." Thomas Beecham (English conductor, 1879-1961)

"The piano: a parlour utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience." Ambrose Bierce (American writer, 1842-1914)

"The piano: A large, rectangular monster that screams when you touch its teeth." Andres Segovia (Spanish guitarist, 1893-1987)

Andre Previn: "You're playing all the wrong notes."
Eric Morecambe: "I'm playing all the right notes. But not necessarily in the right order." Eddie Braben (English comedy writer, 1930-2013)

"I don't like composers who think. It gets in the way of their plagiarism." Howard Dietz (American songwriter, 1896-1983)

"I only know two *tunes.*people.*things.* One of them is 'Yankee Doodle' and the other isn't." Ulysses S. Grant (American Unionist general and statesman, 1822-85)

Music helps not the *toothache.*police.*digestion.* George Herbert (English poet and clergyman, 1593-1633)

"Classic music is th'kind that we keep thinkin'll turn into a tune." Frank McKinney Hubbard (American humorist, 1868-1930)

"I don't like jazz. When I hear jazz, it's as if I had gas on the stomach. I used to think it was static when I heard it on the radio." Nikita Khrushchev (Soviet statesman, 1894-1971)

"Very well, my dear. You continue to play Bach your way, and I'll continue to play him his way." Wanda Landowska (Polish-born American pianist, 1877-1959) to another musician

If I play Tchaikovsky, I play his melodies and skip his spiritual struggles... If there's any time left over I fill in with a lot of runs up and down the keyboard." Liberace (American showman, 1919-87)

"I don't like my music, but what is my opinion against that of millions of others." Frederick Loewe (American composer, 1904-88)

*Fortissimo*Peace*Silence* at last! Gustav Mahler (Austrian composer, 1860-1911) on seeing Niagara Falls

"If you're in jazz and more than ten people like you, you're labelled commercial." Herbie Mann (American jazz musician, 1930-)

"If anyone has conducted a Beethoven performance, and then doesn't have to go to an osteopath, then there's something wrong." Simon Rattle (English conductor, 1955-)

"Wagner has lovely moments but awful quarters of an hour." Gioacchino Rossini (Italian composer, 1792-1868)

I have a reasonable good ear in music: let us have the tongs and the bones. William Shakespeare (English dramatist, 1564-1616)

"Hell is full of musical amateurs: music is the brandy of the damned." George Bernard Shaw (Irish dramatist, 1856-1950)

"I play all my country and western music backwards. Your lover returns, your dog comes back to life and you cease to be an alcoholic." Linda Smith (British comedian, 1958-2006)