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Funny Quotations about puns

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. Fred Allen (American humorist, 1894-1956)

An ill-favoured thing, but Minoan. supposedly a comment by the archaeologist Sir Arthur Evans on finding a fragment of Cretan pottery Anon

to incoming Foreign Secretary Anthony Eden, following Samuel Hoare's resignation, 1935: I said to your predecessor: 'You know what they're all saying, no more coals to Newcastle, no more Hoares to Paris.' The fellow didn't even laugh. George V (British king, 1865-1936)

explaining her mother's insistence on taking her own bidet with her when she travelled: My poor, dear mother suffers from a bidet-fixe. Karen Lancaster d. 1964

Many of us can still remember the social nuisance of the inveterate punster. This man followed conversation as a shark follows a ship. Stephen Leacock (Canadian humorist, 1869-1944)

Broadbosomed, bold, becalm'd, benign Lies Balham foursquare on the Northern Line. Matched by no marvel save in Eastern scene, A rose-red city half as gold as green. Frank Muir (comedy writer, 1920-98) and Denis Norden (comedy writer, 1922-2018)

She was as happy as the dey was long. of the relationship between Caroline of Brunswick, estranged wife of George IV, and the dey (or governor) of Algiers Lord Norbury (1745-1831)

A jester unemployed is nobody's fool. Norman Panama (screenwriter, 1914-2003) and Melvin Frank (screenwriter, 1913-88)

on her abortion: It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard. Dorothy Parker (American critic and humorist, 1893-1967)

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think. Dorothy Parker (American critic and humorist, 1893-1967)

'I want to be a lawn.' Greta Garbo. W. C. Sellar (British author, 1898-1951) and R. J. Yeatman (British author, 1898–1968)

of Sir Charles Napier's conquest of Sindh: Peccavi- I have Sindh. reworking Latin peccavi I have sinned Catherine Winkworth (English hymnwriter, 1827-78)

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