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Funny Quotations about the Bible

quotations about the Bible

The Bible, an ancient and profound text, stands as the cornerstone of faith for millions across the globe. Regarded as the inspired Word of God by believers, its pages contain lessons, parables, prophecies, histories, and poems that have shaped the moral, ethical, and spiritual foundations of numerous cultures for thousands of years. From the Genesis creation narrative to the apocalyptic visions of Revelation, the Bible's tales are at once deeply human and divinely transcendent.

The following compilation of witty quotations provides a contemplative exploration of the Bible's influence and significance. These quotations, drawn from a diverse range of voices (including theologians, scholars, writers, philosophers) touch on the Bible's wisdom, its guidance, its power to comfort, and its capacity to provoke thought and incite change.

Whether you're a devout believer, a religious scholar, or simply someone interested in the intersection of literature and spirituality, these funny quotations offer valuable insights into the enduring relevance and profound impact of the Bible.

"It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand." Mark Twain (American writer, 1835-1910)

"If the Bible had said that Jonah swallowed the whale, I would believe it." William Jennings Bryan (American lawyer politician, 1860-1925)

"The Bible will keep you from sin, or sin will keep you from the Bible." Dwight L. Moody (American evangelist and publisher, 1837-1899)

"No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means." George Bernard Shaw (Irish dramatist, 1856-1950)

"When science and the Bible differ, science has obviously misinterpreted its data." Henry M. Morris (Christian apologist and engineer, 1918-2006)

"Both read the Bible day and night, but thou read black where I read white." William Blake (English poet, 1757-1827)

"I've read the last page of the Bible. It's all going to turn out all right." Billy Graham (American evangelist, 1918-2018)

"I've often thought the Bible should have a disclaimer in the front saying, 'This is fiction.'" Ian Mckellen (English actor, 1939-)

Conrad Hilton was very generous to me in the divorce settlement. He gave me 5000 *Gideon Bibles.*dollars.*hectares of land.* Zsa Zsa Gabor (Hungarian-born actress, 1917-2016)

The Bible is a wonderful source of inspiration for those who *don't understand it.*read it.*believe.* George Santayana (Spanish-American philosopher, 1863-1952)

"The Bible was written by fallible human beings." Richard Dawkins (British author, 1941-)

"It must be remembered that we have only heard one side of the case. God has written all the books." Samuel Butler (English novelist, 1835-1902)

"The Bible is a lesson in how not to write for the movies." Raymond Chandler (American writer, 1888-1959)

"A wonderful book, but there are some very queer things in it." George V (British king, 1865-1936)

"The Ten Commandments should be treated like an examination. Only six need to be attempted." Bertrand Russell (British philosopher and mathematician, 1872-1970)

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